Day 10

The past two days have been overwhelming and full of so many different emotions. I’m exhausted by how much I am feeling. So much love. So much of me using alot of my energy and coming out of my shell in order to play and make the children happy. I wonder how they see me? I wonder if they know they CAN in fact be like me? I don’t want to make any assumptions about how they feel. I know children feel naturally nervous but I wonder if they think I am some gifted being. I hope that I’m inspiration, instead of some idol impossible to reach. I hope that I am proof that each one of them matters and that each one of them can grow to be anything they want to be, and that I can give them the love they need to grow into loving, passionate, human beings. I know I’m not going to change the whole world overnight but at least I’ll make a difference. Being with these young girls helps me realize more and more that I want to be the embodiment of black female empowerment. I want to help produce more black female representation. I will use theatre to the best of my abilities to do that. I will use all the energy I have to give all that I got and MORE. I want to know MORE, I want to be able to DO more. Going on this trip again was even more of what I needed. God made this trip happen for a reason. This will help me grow for the rest of my life. This will prep me into senior year. There were more stories I heard told today, not just from Mama Lynn, but from people in my cast. We helped sand and paint windows at Mama Lynn’s today, while listening to music and dancing with Johnson and Agnes! It was such a great time. And honestly, it opened my eyes much more to seeing disabled people as more than just “disabled,” but who are equally needed the love and attention as everyone else…it made me wonder why I’m not like this at home. Also being surrounded by people in my cast like Hailey and Karina, who are absolutely loving selfless beautiful people. Also, playing with the children today forced me to break out of this shell, I get into when I’m in uncomfortable situations. It forced me to put myself aside, in order for the children to also put their nervousness aside. Dancing with them and finally getting them to open up as well as play games with them was soul-feeding. Seeing them happy, I feel inspired. Also, our rehearsal today went so well! We further discussed sexual corruption, which has clearly affected our cast. I hope that we can create a piece sharing the voices of these women who have experienced sexual corruption, in a way that keeps the audience thinking, and gets our audience talking. Only time will tell.

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